As you know, it's my birthday on March 9th. I'm having a birthday party and I'm desperately afraid that no one will show up. And then I keep telling myself that that's ridiculous, and that all that matters is that your "main" friends show up. Why do I get all stressed out? I just don't want to feel like I don't have any friends, especially since I'm feeling all weird since this car accident. I just haven't quite been myself. Something's off. I wonder if it qualifies as post-traumatic stress.
I'm sure part of it has to do to with the fact that it's winter and everything seems bleaker this time of year. Every winter I tell myself I should get out there and enjoy it. Well that's what I was trying to do yesterday. I was up in Saint-Sauveur (my parents' house although they're not there 6 months of the year) and I decided to go for a walk in the woods. There's a path where the snow's all beaten down so you don't sink down to your knees. It's a lovely path where it's easy to appreciate the beauty of winter.
So merrily do I start on this path. It's about 5 o'clock. My walk is very nice and relaxing and I get to reflect on the beauty of life and all that jazz. Unfortunately, I miscalculate my time and the sun begins to set much quicker that I anticipated. I'm still in the middle of the woods as the moon rises and it begins to be seriously dark out.
Okay. This is when I start panicking slightly. What if there are wolves? What if a bear wakes up from hibernation and I don't see it coming because it's dark? What if the Scarborough rapist has become the Saint-Sauveur rapist while I was growing up? Of course, I'm trying to reason myself; I know it's practically impossible for a bear to wake up in the middle of February, and I know Paul Bernardo is behind bars, but the darkness and the complete silence (except for my footsteps in the snow) is kind of freaking me out.
And then I start thinking that if a bear were to wake up and lunge for me because he or she was starving, no one would know I was missing until the next day. And even then, search parties probably wouldn't start until mid-week, if even that. Okay, this may sound slightly neurotic, but it's a real preoccupation when you're by yourself in the woods at night, and suddenly you remember the Blair Witch Project, a film you saw like 10 years ago.
I finally made it to the road, via someone's backyard. I crawled through the snow and into the ditch to be able to finally walk back up to my parents' house the convenient way, that is walking on the side of the road with cars going by at like a million miles an hour.
But fear not, I was home just in time to watch the red carpet. I love the Oscars.
What was that? I'm completely crazy and I get carried away? Oh, alright, let's chalk it up to post-traumatic stress.
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4 comments:
Post-traumatic stress or not, this kind of story does happen to every body Jules. We women tend to get carried away by the excitement of it all and we soon forget that the sun is about to set. Is it the thought of turning 29 that makes you looking for adventure? No need to go to such extremes my dear, there will be plenty of peeps at your Bday party... but me :-)
Don't worry too much darling. Don't analyse too much. DO, but not too much. What you are feeling, all of it, is completely ok, even the being afraid of the Scarborough freaky guy part. Pis à ton party, on va te fêter en grand!!! xxx
julie is one of the best people ever. point finale.
Je peux t'en parler en long et en large des peurs et des syndromes posts traumatiques ... j'ai presque une spécialisation là dedans!
J'espère que tout c'est bien passé et que tu as eu un joyeux anniversaire!
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