Falcon Beach meets the Golden Girls

If any of you have ever been to Fort Lauderdale or Fort Myers to visit your retired or pre-retired parents, you'll know that it's not quite the all-inclusive, perfect for singles, Club Med type of atmosphere. I've never been to Club Med but I can imagine that a vacation in the sun, with plenty of food, plenty of booze, and plenty of tanned, half-naked, eligible men (or women), is not what you find in "La Florida".

I spent 10 days with my parents in Fort Lauderdale over the holidays. To those of you who are envious because you spent a green Christmas here, don't be. I don't want to be ungrateful at all. I loved spending time with my parents. I don't get to see them that often in the winter. It's just the overall ambiance that was overbearing.

In the whole complex where they live, which is 55 and over, I saw two people who seemed to be remotely close to me in age. They were both men, so at least the chance of you know, having a bit of fun, was there. I spoke to one of them and he seemed very nice, though he right away told me that his goal in life was to get married and have kids. Okay...NOT what I want to hear. Next.

As my friend Nic says, why was it so hard for him to say something like "I'm an oil mogul who lives in Alberta and you won't ever see me again...so let's get it on". But he didn't say that.

That leaves one other guy. I made eye contact during an entire day spent at the pool. He returned the lustful looks but my parents were always around. So were his. What could we do but just give each other furtive glances and think about the fun we could be having?

Anyway, that didn't work out either. At least I have a fabulous tan.

Florida as I know it is about reading books, perfecting your tan, and arguing with your parents over what time you have dinner. I kept fantasizing about being in an all-inclusive resort with my girlfriends, having a good time and flirting with the bunch of single guys across the pool or a little ways down the beach...next year, that's where you can find me.

Oh, and, credit for the title of this post goes to Derev, who is always full of witty repartee.